I will confess: I have a thin soul, an oh so very thin soul. Why “thin” you may ask? Thin because of the smallness of my desires; thin because the objects of my desires have so little value to the enlarging of my heart that my soul is malnourished and barely alive. I am thin as in a concentration camp, not because I have nothing to feed on, but because I have so much to choose from. I only take a bite and am taken away to the next choice by no particular reasoning besides the fact that I can. So my soul is thin. I only have crumbs nourishing me. Rarely do I find a meal. Once a week I have a hearty meal, and only once a month do I attend a feast—there, my soul and heart are enlarged. The unfortunate reality, though, is it only lasts a few moments, because I again turn to the plethora of crumbs that don’t so much nourish my soul, as soak up its ability to truly feed on anything.
Here I find myself remembering back to the days before I had tasted real food and drunk my fill at the spring of life—Christ. I remember the nights that a mere spark, and a mere inhaling would deliver my mind from all stresses into a state where thinking was alien, and pleasure was king. With my thin soul I long for one of those evenings, an evening without burden, without care.
Then I remember that I have tasted of a greater life; I have drunk from the wellspring of all goodness; I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. What my soul needs is a renewal of appetite, an enlarging of heart; for the Lord is a supreme and infinite satisfaction that no earth-bound appetite can even try to taste. I need the Spirit to grant me a thirst for the divine, a hunger for righteousness. That is the key, I need Him to “need Him”. This is the paradox of finding satisfaction in Christ. We must ask him to grant us a thirst for him. We must plead for an enlarging of heart that we may truly take in with faith and trust the supremely large promises that He has made. And Christ is faithful; He will grant us the desire. He will give drink to the thirsty and food to the hungry.
Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters;
And you who have no money come, buy and eat.
Come, by wine and milk
Without money and without cost.
-Isaiah 55:1
Soli Deo Gloria
Here is a much needed clarification: I was not intending to teach Anitinomianism-- the system of belief that teaches passive sanctification that is 100% focused on God's work without the christian making any effort to serve God. We are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and we are also called to "work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling..." Phil 2:12. In this post I was trying to highlight the importance of realizing our dependence on Christ in every sphere of our Christian life, even in our ability to desire him.
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